I think….I’m trying to start my 2nd childhood.

Tired. Of a lot.

Tired of bad habits.

Tired of Television.

Tired of Institutions.

Tired of Superstitions.

I think it’s time to respark the soul, because life is getting monotonous.

I’m 22 now, so I’m still evaluating if I should be feeling like this, but the fact is I do.

I find myself stuck in a web of questions that I inevitably can’t escape.

“Is College really necessary?” “What if I looked up the curriculum and taught myself?”

“What if I just disconnected myself from society for a month or even 2 months, would I find newfound enlightment?”

“If I just focused on me, and me alone, started all over, and was selfish to work on the growth of myself, what would happen?”

“What what happen, if I made myself completely oblivious to the news of celebrities, reality shows, wars, natural disasters, government, Obama

global warming, and just cleared it all out of my head?”

“If I stopped watching porn, stop playing video games, stopped sleeping in late, stopped eating unhealthy foods, changed my very methodical second nature way of thinking?”

Take two steps back from it all to focus on stuff that mattered to me.

Philosophy always intrigued me, took psychology in school but never explored it in detail. I want to know the full history of my people. The ability to look at a problem or situation in a different perspective from the masses. To be Original.

To be happy on my own account, and not chase or be envious of others happiness.

To be peace with myself, and live the rest of my days wiser with new found knowledge I acquired through my journey.

Journey. I shall begin anew.

Everyday I will be documenting my journey I will be making to find something I really don’t know yet. I need to stay consistent and document my progress as I make the transition to better myself. If anybody has any advice it of what books to read, or what activities to do please leave a comment. I’m really excited about this new step in my life, I feel that this transition can potentially change in my life in a huge way.

 

Why do I insist on sleeping through all my classes? I hate myself sometimes….

Jesus, I missed all my freaking classes again I’m really screwing the pooch now I don’t even know how many absences that is but If I can’t count them on one hand, don’t bother. I just got my midterm grades and doing pretty mediocre for the most part, I got a C+ in Algebra Concepts, and F in Chemistry, and F in Web programming I even though my Professor told me not to worry about it and God knows what in Psychology cause my teacher hasn’t grading the only test we ever took that class.

Ok something has to give obviously my behavior has to change because I’m producing the same results as last year….this is not what I had in mind when came back, maybe it’s the lack of studing, endless hours of video games, or spending ridiculous amount of time with friends why I’m in this predicament well you what?

I gotta start over with what I got and make something out of nothing, and that starts with my horrible sleep patterns, lack of time management (To begin studying at 2 0′clock in the morning might not be the best time….) and Study environments like my room are the reason I get close to nothing done…But where do I start I have a project due 2 days from now and I haven’t started oh yeah coffee and red bull for the win? NO MORE MESSED UP SLEEP PATTERNS FOR ME……

I’m gonna start watching every second of every minute of every hour of the day and see exactly what I’m doing at the that time to put and end to this ridiculous shenanigans I’ve been doing for like most of my educational career. Google Calendar will be downloaded cause I barely even use microsoft outlook. And that should help in dividends when managing time, when work needs to done keep social interactions to a minimum and most important of ALL STAY FOCUSED!!!!

Henry Ford said this quote that I really like I think it was something like

“The first requisite for success is to focus both mental and physical energies into a task without growing weary”

Such a great quote because I FOR THE LIFE OF ME CANNOT FOCUSED WITH ALL MY mental and physical energies on one specific tasks like homework, without getting weary, tired, bored or restless it’s a really bad quality because it usually results in me taking lots for breaks to clear my head. So I end up clearing my head with two hours of video games and not finishing the assignment.

“Most Men Misfortune, is the result of Misused Time” – I forgot….lol

I’m one of those Men……but I’m keep trying learn from my mistakes this time and get this project done and do my thing cause the only person who can stop me is me.

Well see what happens so I will be careful to take care of the seconds and minutes in the day and the hours will take care of themselves right?

right? times a-wasting……..

Year 3 of College: Growing in knowledge or at all?

Where to begin…..last post was 2 months ago, creating this blog for the sole purpose of tracking my progress of my transformation of an ambitions young guy to a successful man. Well….it has been almost 2 months so my absence speaks for it self, I still have severe commitment issues to work on, but besides that let me recap what the happen this past summer… I was lucky enough to find a job at the regal movie theather, after countless days of aimlessly filling in applications, constant arguments between my mother regarding my incompetence (I was lazy, like sloth lazy it was pretty bad….) and being 19 yrs old, understanding and accepting where I currently was really hard; I messed up two years of college and have two years left, haven’t had a serious relationship in a loooooong time…. and ultimately missing lots of opportunities for success.

This summer had it’s hardships, but around mid-July, I actually was hired to work concession at the movie theater. I was extremely grateful at the time cause I was at the point where  desperate was an understatement for a job, I filled in applications at Mcdonalds, Nursing Homes, and every other low-end wage job you could expect. I was fortunate because my friend’s big brother worked there previously and recommended me and his brother to work.

I took it and ran with it, I saw it as a new beginning to get my life back in order, other than the chaos of randomness of sleep, eat, watch TV, fill in application online  repeat steps 1,2 and 3 95% of the time, which my life revolved around sadly. Being a quick learner I adjusted instantly and worked cashier at the concession area, where I worked with nothing but other female co-workers with an occasional other dude working in concession with me. I slowly meshed myself into the patchwork of the social habitat of my fellow co-workers but there was bit of disconnection between me and them, or so at least I believed. Since I went to school upstate and most of my co-workers went to school in Staten Island where everybody lived, everybody knew what everybody was doing, they were closely networked…. I had no clue.

This summer I tried to find a new girlfriend but, I couldn’t find that special chemistry with any of the females at my job, the girls at my job had completely different mindsets then I did: work, go party, have sex. I think I pretty much covered the basics, and not there is anything wrong with that, it just not what I’m looking for right now. All co-workers at my job younger or older than me had higher or lower positions than me all ultimately taught me a very important lesson in life, before I worked at the movie theater and I still have a little problem with this today, is I’m kinda shy person and if I don’t know a person I’m generally a quiet person until I warm up to a specific person. This trait really hinders me from developing significant relationships with people because of the time I waste warming up to people.

But that changed, because everybody at work was really outgoing which allow me to open up and let down my secure barriers around people because I’m really self-conscious person, but once I open up, I’m probably one the funniest people you ever meet. My job taught me not to care what other people think, and to just do what been holding back for years…..

JUST BEING ME

Now I’m back at school and my outlook on life has different perspectives: I tired of holding back I’m a junior now! I feel like I just realized my potential has a person but it’s never to late to embrace it! So has soon as I made it back to school I applied for a job working at the Central Dining Hall, applied at the campus store, and applied to be campus Office Manager for my resident hall… I trying to get my feet wet get some experience under my belt and develop leadership skills in the process. I much more outgoing now and I’m constantly trying to make new friends. I already good friends with the freshmen, RA’s and Resident Director as well… which will help in dividends when I apply for the office manager position I pray I receive that job!

Year 3 of college is going to be just amazing! I feel it in my gut, my friends feel it in their gut, this year I will try my best to embrace all opportunities to be successful on all aspects of my life! stay tuned peace….

I Know I’m a guy but, Seven pounds made my cry…

Alright, I’m back on my high horse, thanks to Will smith’s brilliant, and touching performance in the movie “Seven pounds”. Ok, I’m not acting like I’m a tough guy or anything, but I usually don’t cry when I watch movies. (That’s not true you teared up when Will smith was holding his son in the bathroom in the Movie “The Pursuit of happiness”…).

Ok maybe I’m a softie, but this movie had me choked up, cause the fate of Will Smith’s character is inevitable, and while you watch the movie, playing detective trying to unravel the true motives of his character you end up revealing just how great and awe-inspiring the kindness and unselfishness that Will Smith’s character exhibited which is extremely rare and is seen in very few people. All I gotta say is that it inspired me to take a look at myself as a person, and you should watch it as well…if you watch it already, WATCH IT AGAIN! lol….Magic got their ass handed to them by the Lakers in a 4-1 finish in the NBA finals, so I’m not even going to dwell on that subject, cause quite frankly, it hurts so back what’s happening:

I don’t really know what kick me back into high gear but I’m really gettin my life routine back together, I started exercising again, I’m studying my web programming book again, and doing my part to help mom around house. It’s funny cause the other day I wrote a blog barely being able to get my lazy ass out of bed.

But now I’m focused, determined the ambition and drive is back, THE KID IS BACK! Yeah… it felt good to say that but I gotta be consistent if any of these words I write are gonna be concrete or hold any weight, cause saying it when you first doing it and following through are to completely different things.

Okay so the booty, raised a brow no? well….there’s been another area that I wanted to improve in and yeah you quess it relationships. But I think all this time I got wrong cause I know in my previous post I was talking about wanting a relationship and having a girlfriend and the whole nine yards.

But I figured, I’m only like 19 years old, so I should still enjoy myself while I’m still young ya dig? I feel like I missed out on SO MANY opportunities that I had with promiscuous females cause I was how would you say “happy go lucky guy” who didn’t partake in being promiscuous.

Now tell me, ain’t that some bullshit? I’m in my second year of college and barely did shit, cause I’m looking for the ONE, well as of right now….screw that I’m looking what options I got right now. And don’t get me wrong I’m not gonna be an asshole and go from one girl to another, i’m just enjoying myself until I find out who is wifey material….

That didn’t sound to much better did it………

Till next time kids, deuces…..

If you don’t have a summer job, don’t make sleeping a hobby….

Yawn…..How the hell did I managed to sleep from 1 p.m to 6 p.m. in the middle of the day? Jesus, I need to be productive, I need I job fast. It’s funny you know because when I was a young lad, I would swear up and down that I didn’t need to sleep and believed if I was by some miracle I did fail asleep I was gonna miss something. I would sleep for like 2 hours and wake up just in time for saturday morning cartoons, as far I was was concerned “sleeping was for the weak”.

But man has time changed, now that my sleep pattern is all messed up, when I wake up I’m still tired, and I have to deal with the consequences of self-pity because I basically slept through the entire day. It sucks, because I lose all my ambition and drive, because when you wake up 6 o’clock in the evening seriously what the hell can you do?

Well….sometime I gotta get head above water or in this case out of the pillow, if I want make a change for the better.

Where I am now, and Where I want to be….

The story or blog begins with this kid, or young man rather. His name is Errol, Errol Tafari Wallace, he is anxious, ambitious, and curious about life. But enough about my background story let get to the juicy details of why I’m really writing this blog.

Well… let’s just say I’m not as happy as I know I can be, I feel that my whole life I’ve been full of so much potential but fear of being successful fear of being great, holds me back of being the best Mr. Wallace I can be. I’ve been living this way with small regrets for all my life, because of my insecurities I’ve really never had a real decent relationship or significant success in my life.

So figured to myself , being 19 years old from this day onward will document and write a blog everyday about the transition I make from being an average teenager to hopefully a successful young man.