But it didn’t matter, because it was mine and I knew exactly what it was.

In an swift action of uncontrollable excitement, I ravaged through the wrapping to find a gift that in my eyes glowed brighter than gold.

A Super Nintendo.

My Mom hugged and yelled “Merry Christmas!” Knowing she had pulled a fast one of me, she then proceeded to past me the two games that came with ultimate gift, super mario world and street fighter II: world warrior.

As I thoroughly scanned the two games repeatedly in an attempt to decipher what adventures, experiences,  and battles awaited me numerous questions populated in my head?

What is that green lizard Mario was riding? You can FLY?! Will that girl’s lighting legs defeat that green beasts’ rolling attack? WHAT GAME IS THIS?

That day I played until I literally fell out sleeping, thank god there wasn’t red bull out at that time.

Little did I know of the gravity of this significant event would have on the rest of my life.

I have grown, survived and enjoyed my life through the influence of video games, with each new game I play I take away something the developer and creator hoped to leave with me as a lasting message, like a book or art.

Video games have had since the beginning, give people young and old, male or female, the ability to experience an adventure, fight or quest as if they were the hero themselves; the simple action of giving a person the freedom to control their own actions (instead of being narrated), is an amazing experience somebody that doesn’t understand video games can ever have.

When the legend of Zelda came out for NES, and players explored numerous dungeons on their quest for the master sword and the defeat of Ganondorf, do you think the gameplay was diminished from skyword sword because of the 8 bit graphics?

No.

Players then and now both had the same fun, enjoyable genuine experience regardless of time period, and this is a fact that will never change. Whether there is an hardcore gamer marathoning in Skyrim for those precious level ups, or a hardcore gamer waking up at night to harvest some crops in farmville, does it really matter if the game is a well respected rpg franchise, or just a mere social app?

No.

What matters at the end of the day is the fun experiences we have,  these are the feelings all fellow gamers share.

Today, I’m a young and old gamer in every sense of the word, I will always have a soft spot for all of Nintendo’s 1st party titles, and I’m always looking out for new ips from my favorite third-party developers. I have a unique perspective of what I believe different demographics see in a new game, and can relate to the older gamers as new games come out. I constantly read game informer for those deep articles that discuss more in depth about video games as a whole, rather than what’s on the surface, what the writers write about really intrigue me; their whole perspective on a transition of a gaming culture or gaming rule might not be apparent until somebody notifies and pinpoints it. I know I can be a great addition to the team as a writer who can view different the perspectives of video games’ industry and culture and shed different light on topics that readers young and old can both find personal interest in. Thank You.

Repetition is the father of learning. I’ve heard lil Wayne say that in a song before, as well as many other widely successful performers, athletes, actors, etc.

Doing something repeatedly to the point where the action is second nature. But how to you apply consistent, strong-willed, repetition to a specific craft, or study in order to be successful?

In Skyrim depending on your gameplay style, the character you develop adapts and increases in skill in the specific actions you do, wanna be a thief? Well then you better get stealing and you better do it alot. Constant frustration in the breaking of lock picks is required to become an expert in lock-picking as well as constant repeated use of the bow to master the skill of archery.

Eventually you become a all-powerful, thief, mage, warrior 0r assassin through an investment of numerous hours of gameplay into Skyrim.

But.

How is this all that different from success in real life? In my opinion there isn’t.

When we were all born we all started out with a zero skill set in every craft, there’s no baby in the world that can simply pop out the womb doing calculus, knowing how to play basketball, or be a firefighter, if there is a baby that can trust me I would have seen it on youtube.

Through our different experiences in our progressive transformation from baby to child to teen to adult, we eventually make a choice (or in most cases inevitably forced by society) to pickup and master a specific skill to earn money and survive. Sometimes the skill learned is influence by socioeconomic status, family, hardships, or environment, we may master a skill to impress somebody or to quite simply eat for the night.

But with all the different influences put aside and we as humans are given a chance to master a specific skill of OUR choice, how to we ensure that we will be successful?

Do you want to dance, be a singer, be a motivational speaker, astronaut, football player, or just learn how to use the the computer better?

They say Lebron James training regiment is pretty brutal, practicing six hours six days a week.  Most people don’t even practice the skill in their actual jobs that much, street fighter champion Daigo Umehara practices at the arcade 364 days out of the entire year, and the only reason why he doesn’t practice for that 1 last day is because his
family wants him home for new years!

Good God. That is dedication.

Now let’s put it in Skyrim gameplay terms if there was a basketball skill Lebron would have probably been a master basketball player probably with a 500 rating in basketball because he repeats the action soooooooo much, he probably has a rating of 12 in ironing clothes though, but through repetition he could be beast at that too.

Can you really be a beast at ironing clothes? hmmm nevermind….

Now look at your professor the only reason why he/she is “smart or intelligent” in the field of study is because that professor has pretty much dedicated their life to the study of that skill, they are constantly doing, researching, thinking, and conversing about that skill, they eat and breathe that skill, so its strongly likely that the professor has mastered it.

In today’s society the process of repetition of a skill is hindered, I say this because the society we live in today is so riddled with constant lucrative distractions that one cannot possibly consistently, successfully master a tedious skill that could take years to master.

Think of the things you are good at:

Checking facebook statuses Skill: 95

Memorizing your favorite channels Skill :200

Knowing the latest gossip about people Skill: 100

Master the skills required to get a promotion, degree or certification Skill: 33

Facebook, Jersey Shore, MTV, any reality show, video games, netflix, tivo, tumblr, foursquare, and angry birds; all these things have effectively hindered or have successfully stopped the progressing of our skill sets, people then tend to think that if they fail at learning something its because they’re stupid when that is not the case, if you can sit down and check Facebook status updates and constantly repeat the same action over and over for about 4 hours everyday until you memorize the action without fail….

Why can’t you spend the same amount of time to master a skill that actually can benefit you?

Always remember the only difference between you and a successful person is that they went through all of the different hardships, distractions, and obstacles along the way.

But never made an excuse, they stuck to it and repeated the skill until they where successful at it.

Now maybe it’s time you forgot how to use facebook and learned how to be the best person you can be in any skill you want. 

peace out y’all.

For the rest of the world who actually have lives and can’t avoid to lose their lives to an amazing time consuming virtual world, Skyrim is a  the 5th installment in The Elder Scrolls series, a role playing game series known for its widely expansive sandbox do anything you want gameplay, amazing leveling system and the list goes on.

I would like to believe that I’m a giant video gamehead, and like to enjoy a variety of different game genres with equal prejudice, I play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, love ANY Super mario brothers game, can play madden, have a innate rival like competitive streak for Street Fighter, and love any kind of adventure game, oh yeah addictive towers and defense games like plants vs zombies and ultimate time wasters like angry birds get the job done too.

But.

The Elder Scrolls has ALWAYS been my favorite game and probably will be of my entire existence.

It all started in high school,  I had an Xbox 360 and I was playing a bunch of different games because the Xbox had finally started to hit its stride and produce quality titles, and while I was busy blasting my opponents to chef boyardee bits in gears of war with my shotgun, I was happy but I knew their had to be one game out there that would satisfy my video game soul.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion was that Chicken noodle soup.

The next day in school me and friends proceeded to brag and boast in caveman fashion how we bested in each other in a variety of different grotesque executions in gears of war, when I overheard one of my friends talking about some game where you can basically do anything you want in this fantasy world, join all these different guilds and define your own gameplay style.

At first I was pretty skeptical, initially because I felt that fantasy worlds with elves, orcs, mages, knights, and dragons where quite frankly for geeks. There has been numerous situations where I walked into the library and caught people hunched up in the corner of the room, with a small mountain of energy drinks, violently clicking away at the mouse playing runescape.

And when your on the outside looking in at nerds like their some type of crazy possessed heretic, you inevitably always say in the back of you head…

“That would never happen to me”

Boy was I soooooo wrong.
I was finally convinced by my friend to give the game a try (I swear it was like the equivalent of trying out cocaine), because I heard you could create an assassin/thief like character, so after I was sold on giving a game a chance my journey begun.

Now I must admit I know when I have a problem and I will tell you first if I have one, but when I say this game consumed most of my time it consumed had seconds, thirds and anything left of my social life, the elder scrolls has a unique leveling system where if you perform a simple action repeatedly your level for that repeated action will increase, so basically if you wanna get good at pick-pocketing, you pick-pocket repeatedly until you become a master at it, simple.

Very simple concept. immensely addicting gameplay.

It came to the point where the only thing that separated me from those creepy nerd possessed heretics in the library was that I would go home and play my addiction in secret, the nerds in the library weren’t afraid to show it and embraced it so basically I was more of a wimp then the nerds.

Eventually I played the game from Senior year of high school on and off until senior year of college (now) and have logged in a total of 320 + hours of gameplay, and I finally beat the damn game so now my life (soul) is at peace or released from my obligation to The Elder Scrolls.

Right……RIGHT?

Actually no because the sequel(Skyrim)  just came out and is 5 times better than one I just conquered, the game came out Friday and I have already logged in a total of

55 hours… yes and it feels soooo good.

But even though I am a black 22 yr old man who loves hip-hop, computers, and fashion, I can safely admit with complete social freedom say in public that

I graduated from the college of winterhold became the head Arch-Mage, just learn the spell wall of storms and am now a expert in alteration magic.

Now who’s on the outside looking in? ha

P.S. I have successfully converted my roommate, he has 45 hours logged in and there is no sign of him turning back…lol

“Because you don’t deserve them” Well excuse me miss thing.

In the process of finding things to do to get my mind of her, (Everything reminds me of her, so it’s not easy) I started looking for clothes for school next semester and through constant google searches found this website called nu.lookbook. It’s basically a website where everyday people put up pictures of what their wearing that day and then you have the option to vote or “hype” that person’s wardrobe. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the freshest dude on the planet, but when I put in the effort, I can look good when I try.

I was intrigue by all the different styles people are inspired to wear, people from California to Australia all the way to South Africa super fresh and swagged out in different styles of clothes. But being in college by default, I’m poor so all these clothes I was salivating over I knew I couldn’t afford until I clicked on this one guy’s profile cause he was super fresh. In the description of the clothes he was wearing he put of the blazer he was wearing a link to a wholesale clothes website. Called http://www.wholesale-dress.net

Now I now most people first idea of a wholesale website are “Ewww, gross, tacky, second-rate” but I don’t really give a shit cause the clothes on this website were really nice and almost everything was under 20 dollars, and for a person like me who’s currently on a budget, this is a godsend. Cause I can get me some nice clothes for a pretty penny.

Some of the clothes that were on nu.lookbook. were also thrifted as well, so if you have time to search for some hidden treasure that could potentially match or complete an outfit of something you brought from a retail store, make the effort to go to your local thrift store cause they got some nice stuff if your willing to put in the effort.

Alright so first things first, update for the one person who reads this(or myself) I got a girlfriend….WHAT! WOW that’s amazing.

No seriously after the infatuation period, it really isn’t all it’s crack up to be. All this time I’m driving myself crazy over getting a girlfriend,

Then I’m finally blessed with one and guess what? It’s nice, but my life is far from complete…lol, my best friend who graduated college from hunter in the city

got a job as a editor in the flatiron district in Manhattan, (off of Craigslist too!) he’s 24 now and I still see him as my young childhood friend.

Damn, things don’t change but where sure getting old…..I’m proud of him, but I still gotta get my shit together, and I’m not gonna lie I have my work cut out for me…

Currently right now, I’m still in college in (hopefully…I don’t even know) my last year of college, last semester I almost got a 3.0 gpa, but as usual I screwed the pooch in math, so I a got a 2.7, but last semester really made me look at myself and say “hey idiot, if you actually put a little effort into your work, you can actually get a 3.0 gpa or better” so that’s my current goal…(Lemme right that down as a goal in my tasks list on my phone, so I won’t forget…lol) but until school starts again I’m back at the movie theater…..sigh

Let me pass a little token of precious knowledge to young teenagers to adults from life experience…..customer service jobs…..DON’T GET ONE…unless you like long tedious shifts, not having any free time on the weekends, being ultimately under appreciated and underpaid (a water bottle at my movie theater costs 4.75, that’s half of what I make in an hour….lol) but what can I say maybe if I actually applied myself and built a respectable resume I wouldn’t be here so I’m not gonna blame anyone… and besides struggling breeds excellence so I guess in the thick of it all I will persevere….hopefully(god help me lol) cause customers can really your job hell.

Customers, people. Are NEVER satisfied, always want more….never happy with enough, always eyeing what across from them when they have a big turkey thanksgiving dinner in front of them, MORE, MORE, MORE and that’s not even enough. And I’m not gonna lie I’m guilty of this cause I love video games and I always want more, but when customers come to the movie theater, its like the manager wants you to give up your soul, to satisfy the customer, and even then the customers asking for your soul with a little extra cheese and butter.

And you know how they say a little thank you goes a long way or something like that? It really does cause I gotta help hundreds of people everyday and to serve them give them extra cheese and show respect and not get even a thank you…kinda leaves you with a empty feeling.

Until next time, people I off in my spaceship…..

My professor recently passed a week ago, from a freak accident coming home with her family, where she collided head on with a drunk driver, her daughter is in a coma, and her husband is in stable condition, but she didn’t make it. Sometimes I puzzle myself with these question asking myself  “Why do these things happen? Why does tragedy rear its ugly head on good-spirited, hard-working people who make a difference? Then with a vacant feeling of questions I can’t answer, I remind myself there are just powers beyond our comprehension that we can never understand, but sometimes it never hurts to try.

It’ crazy and hard to come to a realization that a person you seen everyday of the week is gone, like thin air, it just baffles my mind, and sometimes it gives me a painful feeling deep down in my stomach. That’s why I’m believe I’m so grateful for everything I have because at anytime my 20 years on earth could come to an end in a blink of eye. I have no power over when the grim reaper will come knocking on my door, but I certainly won’t be watching the clock waiting till he comes, when grim comes he comes, and that’s that.

As my biological time clicks, I get more anxious and nervous because it’s not that I’m afraid of dying, it’s that I’m afraid of dying without achieving all the pinnacles I plan
to reach. My life slowly but surely goes on, and now I’m 21, I feel like a stubborn soul who has acquired a good amount of wisdom to make the correct decisions to be successful, I’ve read, watched, and listen to the blueprint of life’s successes, and failures of many. What’s funny is that I have the personal first, second, and final drafts to the blueprints of failures and mistakes because I made it myself…lol, but by feverishly studying my blueprints of failure, I have crafted my guide for success, the only problem is actually following it….lol.

Rest in Peace Professor, you will be truly missed.

Jesus, I missed all my freaking classes again I’m really screwing the pooch now I don’t even know how many absences that is but If I can’t count them on one hand, don’t bother. I just got my midterm grades and doing pretty mediocre for the most part, I got a C+ in Algebra Concepts, and F in Chemistry, and F in Web programming I even though my Professor told me not to worry about it and God knows what in Psychology cause my teacher hasn’t grading the only test we ever took that class.

Ok something has to give obviously my behavior has to change because I’m producing the same results as last year….this is not what I had in mind when came back, maybe it’s the lack of studing, endless hours of video games, or spending ridiculous amount of time with friends why I’m in this predicament well you what?

I gotta start over with what I got and make something out of nothing, and that starts with my horrible sleep patterns, lack of time management (To begin studying at 2 0′clock in the morning might not be the best time….) and Study environments like my room are the reason I get close to nothing done…But where do I start I have a project due 2 days from now and I haven’t started oh yeah coffee and red bull for the win? NO MORE MESSED UP SLEEP PATTERNS FOR ME……

I’m gonna start watching every second of every minute of every hour of the day and see exactly what I’m doing at the that time to put and end to this ridiculous shenanigans I’ve been doing for like most of my educational career. Google Calendar will be downloaded cause I barely even use microsoft outlook. And that should help in dividends when managing time, when work needs to done keep social interactions to a minimum and most important of ALL STAY FOCUSED!!!!

Henry Ford said this quote that I really like I think it was something like

“The first requisite for success is to focus both mental and physical energies into a task without growing weary”

Such a great quote because I FOR THE LIFE OF ME CANNOT FOCUSED WITH ALL MY mental and physical energies on one specific tasks like homework, without getting weary, tired, bored or restless it’s a really bad quality because it usually results in me taking lots for breaks to clear my head. So I end up clearing my head with two hours of video games and not finishing the assignment.

“Most Men Misfortune, is the result of Misused Time” – I forgot….lol

I’m one of those Men……but I’m keep trying learn from my mistakes this time and get this project done and do my thing cause the only person who can stop me is me.

Well see what happens so I will be careful to take care of the seconds and minutes in the day and the hours will take care of themselves right?

right? times a-wasting……..

So I make it to work in this semi-wet t-shirt but my friend who is student manager gives me a break, whew close call. My friend tells me my other friend Rick(ficitonal name)  is paired up with me to work proctor today, cool Rick is a good friend of mine so the was gonna be chill, and even though he basically stole and wifed up the chick I was gonna try and get with. He such a chill person, I guess you didn’t even tend to notice (or at least I didn’t yet).

Rick having more experience than me, showed the ropes of being proctor, basic making sure everything was stocked when the students came in for breakfast, fruits, desserts, silverware, beverages you name it, we should have it stocked. After finishing all these stocking tasks, there’s a small grace period to basically scope out and analyze the cafeteria for all the chicks.

And OMG when you really look there are so many fine females walking around campus I tend to not even realize how many there  were cause I’m too busy feeling sorry myself, but screw that! I need me one of these honeys! While I was replacing the forks I passed by a really cute asian girl that was in line, oh shit…… what do I do, what do I do…..ok chill out she’s fine and your at work in your bummy work clothes, oh yeah bummy WET work clothes! So I managed to utter a small ” I like your hat, you look nice” she turned around politely smiled and said “thank you”! I’m not gonna lie even do I didn’t do a damn thing other then compliment her hat, I still felt good.

Call me a Loser….lol

It was then time for me to go on break so I got some breakfast and headed to the cafeteria none of my friends were there so I had to find a vacant spot to eat in pity, oh no I don’t I see one of my friends seating at the end of the cafeteria but she looks extremely pissed so I go over to see what’s up but she doesn’t budge, she just eats breakfast in angry phase without saying a word. Me being me decide to pick at her until she answers but she simply utters “it’s nothing”.

After a swift failed interrogation, one of my females RA sit to with us to eat, I kinda like her at one point last semester, but shes makes situations very awkward so I kinda started avoiding her after a while. But today was different I was feeling good and when I feel good I can talk to just about anybody. So after chilling and talking with them.

I went back to work but my manager needed help in the back with the dishes so when I came to assist, I ended working with this other girl that was doing dishes, she wasn’t that physically attractive to me like a 6/10 but she looked  pretty cool, since she was a redhead, had freckles, and name was  Heather I decided to ask her if she was Irish. She laughed and said no she was mostly Swedish and a little German  but she says that a lot of people say that, I then continued by asking her if she has family in Europe, she said yes, I then asked her if my name although a common Jamaican name was told by my friend was also German, she laughed and said I have know clue, we talked until we finished work.

Today I took baby steps…. I know it’s kinda slow but  everybody starts somewhere right?

I’m been going through all these thoughts in my head, continuously looping this defining question of my life:  why am I 20 freaking(I wanted to use another word here lol…) yrs old and still single? Why do I flake on every promise I make to myself? Do I really, I MEAN  really what to be a computer programmer or just say I do? Do I hide my emotions behind my persona of a funny easy-going guy who likes to tell jokes or am I legitimately and funny person?

It’s weird I can’t really explain it, I think I’m obsessed with the thought or the pursuit of happiness, that feeling that I can’t never quite grab or attain, but just the thought or ambition of thinking I can attain happiness gives the drive to keep going, but when I look back at what I have accomplished it’s a horrible track record of fail attempts of attaining happiness. It sucks but doesn’t cause I never forget how  truly blessed I am to have a Mom who loves me with all her soul, a roof over my head, friends, and a job, It’s I know it’s good but good can turn to better ya know what I mean?

I think my real problem is the lack of intimacy or relationship with another person, I don’t even think a one-night stand would help me because at the end of the day that doesn’t mean shit, I put on this act like I’m ok like sooner or later I will find some fine looking honey and everything is gonna be peaches and for the most part it works cause I even fool myself and actually believe it, but that’s until I actually come to terms with reality and look myself and realized I never had a girlfriend.

It’s kinda like water eroding a rock, the rock is strong, firm and sturdy, but water gets into every crack and crevice of that rock and erodes that rock until that rock foundation is broken, this is exactly how I feel like am generally happy in my life but this single, although very important aspect of my life has been neglected for so long that it’s finally breaking my foundation of my mirage of happiness.

This will be Day 1 of my experiment in finding a girlfriend everyday and my encounters in my blog starting today… stay tuned a bbq coming up so stay tuned!

This summer had it’s hardships, but around mid-July, I actually was hired to work concession at the movie theater. I was extremely grateful at the time cause I was at the point where  desperate was an understatement for a job, I filled in applications at Mcdonalds, Nursing Homes, and every other low-end wage job you could expect. I was fortunate because my friend’s big brother worked there previously and recommended me and his brother to work.

I took it and ran with it, I saw it as a new beginning to get my life back in order, other than the chaos of randomness of sleep, eat, watch TV, fill in application online  repeat steps 1,2 and 3 95% of the time, which my life revolved around sadly. Being a quick learner I adjusted instantly and worked cashier at the concession area, where I worked with nothing but other female co-workers with an occasional other dude working in concession with me. I slowly meshed myself into the patchwork of the social habitat of my fellow co-workers but there was bit of disconnection between me and them, or so at least I believed. Since I went to school upstate and most of my co-workers went to school in Staten Island where everybody lived, everybody knew what everybody was doing, they were closely networked…. I had no clue.

This summer I tried to find a new girlfriend but, I couldn’t find that special chemistry with any of the females at my job, the girls at my job had completely different mindsets then I did: work, go party, have sex. I think I pretty much covered the basics, and not there is anything wrong with that, it just not what I’m looking for right now. All co-workers at my job younger or older than me had higher or lower positions than me all ultimately taught me a very important lesson in life, before I worked at the movie theater and I still have a little problem with this today, is I’m kinda shy person and if I don’t know a person I’m generally a quiet person until I warm up to a specific person. This trait really hinders me from developing significant relationships with people because of the time I waste warming up to people.

But that changed, because everybody at work was really outgoing which allow me to open up and let down my secure barriers around people because I’m really self-conscious person, but once I open up, I’m probably one the funniest people you ever meet. My job taught me not to care what other people think, and to just do what been holding back for years…..

JUST BEING ME

Now I’m back at school and my outlook on life has different perspectives: I tired of holding back I’m a junior now! I feel like I just realized my potential has a person but it’s never to late to embrace it! So has soon as I made it back to school I applied for a job working at the Central Dining Hall, applied at the campus store, and applied to be campus Office Manager for my resident hall… I trying to get my feet wet get some experience under my belt and develop leadership skills in the process. I much more outgoing now and I’m constantly trying to make new friends. I already good friends with the freshmen, RA’s and Resident Director as well… which will help in dividends when I apply for the office manager position I pray I receive that job!

Year 3 of college is going to be just amazing! I feel it in my gut, my friends feel it in their gut, this year I will try my best to embrace all opportunities to be successful on all aspects of my life! stay tuned peace….

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